He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
