Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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