I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
is it fun? or sober?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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