I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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