Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
