i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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