Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
