Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
