now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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