woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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