your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
