I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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