shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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