this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
