maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
