I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
