you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
