he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
