remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
