I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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