Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
from now on my penis is your penis
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
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