Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
