I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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