you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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