remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
