from now on my penis is your penis
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
