Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
