I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
