I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
