Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Is it because I queefed?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
