the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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