i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
