Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Mom said you looked used
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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