Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
