twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
