By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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