Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
