I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
