I wanna bring you to show and tell
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
