Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
