I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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