hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
