We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
