Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
