When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
