You really coming over, don't trick.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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