I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
