did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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