I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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