I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
