Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
