Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
